on the first day of xmas my dealer gave to me

a bag of shrooms and some lsd

we snuck into the park to steal some xmas trees

but the cops pulled up and asked us nicely to leave

we're all fucked up on smirnoff eggnogg

we crunch on candy canes and rev up all our chainsaws

you give us 30 and we'll tie it up at no extra cost

we'll take that 30 and spend it on pot

we're not too bright we flunk all of our classes

get in fights gettin drunk cuz we're bad kids

our dads call us bastards mom's always plastered

we're the closest thing to suburban gangstas

cold air's what we breathe our vests have no sleeves

it's hard to haul trees in subzero degrees

we smell like evergreens



all I want for xmas is my two front teeth

and some mistletoe all up in this piece