Put on your yamulke
It's time for Chanukah (sounds good guys)
Once again it's Onakah
The miracle of Chanukah. (give it up for the Drei Dels)

Chanukah is the festival of lights.
One day of presents?
Hell no, We get eight crazy nights.

But if you still feel like the only kid in town without a Christmas tree
I guess my first two songs didn't do it for you
So here comes number three!

Ross and Phoebe from "Friends" say the Chanukah blessing.
So does Lenny's pal Squiggy and "Will & Grace"'s Debra Messing.

Melissa Gilbert and Michael Landon never mixed meat with dairy.
Maybe they should have called that show "Little Kosher House on the Prairie."

We got Jerry Lewis, Ben Stiller and Jack Black.
Tom Arnold converted to Judaism, but you guys can have him back!
(Just kidding Tommy!)

We may not get to kiss underneath the mistletoe
But we can do it all night long with Deuce Bigalow! (I'm jewish!)
Oh My God! Sweet Robbie Schneider is here!

Put on the yamukah
Here comes Chanukah
The guy in Willie Nelson's band who plays harmonica
Celebrates Chanukah.
Oooo, good job Schneider

Osama bin Laden--(Booo!)--not a big fan of the Jews.
Well, maybe that's because he lost a figure skating match to gold medalist
Sarah Hughes, her mama's Jewish!

Houdini and David Blaine escaped straightjackets with such precision.
But the one thing they could not get out of
Their painful circumcision.

As for Half-Jewish actors, Sean Penn is quite the great one,
And Marlon Brando not a Jew at all ,
But it looks to me like he ate one.

Gweneth Paltrow is half jewish
But an aweful time Oscar winner
Jeniffer Conneley's half jewish too
And I'd like to put some more in her

There's Lou Reed, Perry Ferrell, Beck and Paula Abdul.
Joey Ramone invented punk rock music
But first came Hebrew school.

Natalie Portmanukah
It's time to celebrate Chanukah.
I hope I get an Abrtronicah,
on this joyful, toyful Chanukah.

So get a high colonicah
And soil your long johnukahs
If you really really wantukah.
Have a happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy
Happy Chan-u-kah!