Mom and dad are goin' out for the evening
And you're stuck inside the house all alone
That's when you decide it might be fun to harrass someone
Dial a random number up on your telephone
You ask if their refrigerator is running
Then you tell 'em they should go out and catch it
Buddy, if they ever figured out where you were callin' 'em from
They'd come and bust your head right in with a ratchet
Listen to me

Don't go makin' phony calls
Please stick to the seven-digit numbers you're used to
I know that you think it's funny drivin' folks right up the wall
But it's really gettin' old fast

Little Melvin has a natural obsession
Askin' for Prince Albert in a can
He gets a kick each time he makes a collect call
To some guy he doesn't know who lives in Japan
He's callin' strangers up at three in the morning
Gives 'em pizza pie delivery at four
He won't be laughin' when they're tracin his line
One day the phone police will be there at his door
Yo, hear me

Don't go makin' phoney calls
Only dial the seven-digit numbers you're used to
Swear someday I'm gonna yank that phone cord right out from the wall
How long is this phase gonna last?
Come on

[Moe :] Moe's Taverne - Where the elite meet to drink.
[Bart:] Uh, yeah, hello, is Mike there? Last name Rotch.
[Moe :] Hold on; I'll check.
[Moe :] My crotch! My crotch! Hey, has anybody seen my crotch lately?
[others laughing]
[Moe :] Listen to me, you little puke.
[Moe :] One of these days, I'm gonna catch you
[Moe :] And I'm gonna carve my name on your back with an icepick!
[Bart laughing]

Don't go makin' phoney calls
Only dial the seven-digit numbers you're used to
You went through the New Yourk City phone book and prank-called 'em all
Hope that you grow out of this fast
Grow out of this fast...

Don't go makin' phoney calls
Only dial the seven-digit numbers you're used to
But you think it's funny drivin' folks right up the wall
But it's really gettin' old fast