I said a bad word when I was a kid
Mamma said that I'd be sorry for the sin that I did
My daddy whooped me and the preacher said shame
And I tried like hell to change.

[Chorus:]
But I cuss, I smoke, I laugh at dirty jokes
The minor voices, man I know 'em well
I've closed down bars, I've lusted in my heart
My ex's think I ougta burn in hell
But the devil he won't notice when I die
Don't you figure he's got bigger fish to fry.

Politicians taking pork barrel bribes
Crooked CEOs are getting off with no time
Christmas Eve burglers stealing good children's toys, (can't say Christmas)
Holiday burglers stealing good children's toys.

[Chorus:]
I cuss, I smoke, I laugh at dirty jokes
The minor voices, man I know 'em well
I've closed down bars, I've lusted in my heart
My ex think I ougta burn in hell
But the devil won't even notice when I die
Yeah don't you figure he's got bigger fish to fry.

Yeah there's gonna be bonfire burning
An everlasting barbecue.
But with all the bad stuff going on
There ain't gonna be room for me and you.

'Cause we cuss, we smoke, ee laugh at Tater's jokes.
[Spoken]
Tell one Jim. You know you're old when your wife says honey
let's run upstairs and make love
And your answer is "I cannot do both."
The minor voices, man we know 'em well
We've closed down bars, we've lusted in our hearts
Our ex's think we ougta burn in hell
But the devil he won't notice when we die
Hey, don't you figure he's got bigger fish to fry

Yeah, don't you figure he's got bigger fish to fry
Pass the tartar sauce.

When we all get to heaven what a day of rejoicing it will be...