An anonymous model checks her calls
over the strains of cheesy synth-pop
Her agent tells her
she's got the cover of Cosmos!
Just needs a tan
and she'll be cream of the crop
She disrobes and hops in the tanning bed
There's a lurking air of sublimated dread
She screams and writhes
as she bursts into flames
Precluding a tale so
brainless and deranged!
Welcome you losers,
to Rhonda's Workout!
A den of busty big-haired '80s sluts
Prepare to get a REAL killer workout!
While chicks in spandex
thrust their well-toned butts
The blonde chick Jaimy
arrives late for work
Jimmy tries to grab her tits
cuz he's a creepy jerk
Rhonda chews out Jaimy
because she's always late
Jaimy appeases her with a dinner date
Rachel stays late to take a shower
Someone's lurking with a giant safety pin
The prowler attacks,
stabs at Rachel's neck
Her jugular is pierced and the
bloodshed begins!
Lt. Morgan, the moronic cop
is out to get the killings stopped
Some blonde meathead
"Dawnson" an undercover PI
His dumb tapered haircut
made me laugh til i cried!
The body count continues to mount
Blood-spewing veins,
is Jimmy to blame?
Retarded fight scenes
make me fucking guffaw
Acting and editing
in a realm beyond awful