Looking back, it makes me sick
Despite the years that ran away
The bitter aftertaste is there

I loved you, fucked up girl
Constantly on the verge of sinking
You drank like a black hole
And with all the medication
It was a fatal cocktail in your brain
And you fell down the stairs
Laughed or cried for nothing
I was ashamed, I couldn't help
But love you, irrationally

We spent two years together
Two years to mend our cracks
Watching the sun die on the roofs
You stopped drinking
And we savored the victory
Bored as two mussels in the sea
Watching movies without listening
Walking the dog as all neighbors did
Believing that we couldn't be normal
And live like everyone else
Looking back, it makes me sick
Despite the years that ran away

I can't say exactly when
We reached the point of dislocation
Where our bright white illusions
Crumbled beyond repair
Everything was broken
And I began to hate you
I wanted you to relapse
Betrayed, slapped, insulted
I manage to drag you down
Even lower than when we met
You awoke a beast
Nestled in a corner of my head

Looking back, it makes me sick
Despite the years that ran away
The bitter aftertaste is there
The last time I heard of you
You were in rehab, one more time
I never saw you again

But I remember your number
I could dial it with my eyes closed
And sometimes at night
When it's cold in the streets
I refrain from calling you
To make sure you're not dead